It is amazing to me how several of the most coveted positions (in the church and in the secular world) appear, from the outside view, to carry great grandeur and few tribulations. However, this is a great misconception. Many desire to carry the titles of honor, but they truly do not understand the reality of the burden that comes with these positions. I would like to take the opportunity to focus on a particular person who lives in this realm of reality. She operates on the front line of ministry, and she often has to take hard hits from the very people that she serves. She is a misunderstood victim of jealousy and betrayal, yet she is expected to wear her smile like a tiara won in a pageant. In the midst of her hurt, she must wipe away her tears to help mend the hearts of those that were the ones who made her cry in the first place. I am referring to the precious woman known as the pastor’s wife. She is most affectionately known by many as “The First Lady”. My husband often says that people with problems are simply looking for solutions. I desire to shed some light on some of the perils that the first lady faces, and to offer some solutions to help lift her burden.First, I deem it necessary to define the role of the pastor’s wife. Although each pastor may have his own expectations of his wife, there are some roles that remain consistent across the board. This valuable jewel must meet the personal needs of the pastor as his aide, his wife, his lover, the mother of his children, and his friend. In essence, she is expected to keep him happy. She may be required to counsel with members, minister the Word, minister in music, and oversee ministry areas. It may be necessary for her to maintain the business affairs of the church, make peace where there is strife, and be the main intercessor to keep the church before God in prayer. To the public eye, it may seem as though she merely dresses nicely and sits on the front pew of the church. Conversely, behind the scenes, she works harder than people will ever know.
She is much more than a trophy to adorn the arm of the pastor, but she is his partner in ministry. She must be willing to be his confidante and to allow him to be transparent without judging him. For contrary to belief, the pastor is not perfect. She is often in the difficult position of seeing him at his weakest point. However, because of her loyalty and love for him, she must maintain his integrity before the people. She must be diplomatic, kind, and willing to offer a nurturing perspective when needed. So, after she has given everything of herself, what is left for her?
Usually, a great deal of suffering is her “reward”. Have you ever had to pray for an enemy or someone who has hurt you? This is a real portion of her daily reality. There are women that despise her, not because she has provoked them, but simply because she is the pastor’s wife. Her title alone may be a source of contention. Many will talk about her, betray her, and even attempt to take the pastor’s attention away from her. She has to pray for the woman that she knows is trying to sleep with her husband (or vice versa), while maintaining her grace and stature. She is required to offer a kind word to the people that mistreat her. She must maintain composure when people acknowledge the pastor and ignore her. Are you beginning to feel her pain yet? Ugly truth isn’t it? Yet, there is still more. She is often subjected to having people in her space that may threaten her and her family. She is never really sure of who she can trust because many people that reach out to her only want to get close to the pastor. Not, I assure you, because they love him, but because they want something from him. She may not feel comfortable sharing her pains with the pastor because of all that he faces in his role. Thus, she is left to carry her burdens alone, and suffer in silence. It is easy to see why she may feel isolated and devalued.
At this point in our discussion, you probably want to know the solution to this problem. Well, it is my prayer that the readers of this column are pastors, church members, pastor’s wives, and women in ministry. If you fall into either category, then this information is important for you. I am going to give you a few tips, many based on experience, to help lift the first lady into her rightful place of honor, as opposed to breaking her spirit and wounding her. Each one of our discussions will focus on some area in which change is imminent. I hope that you, the reader, will focus on your obligation towards healing those ladies in your life that are hurting and bleeding. Prayerfully, you will take a serious look at your role in their pain and become proactive in ceasing it. I warn you that we will discuss some difficult issues, but together we will get through them.
In conclusion, it is my prayer that lives will forever be changed, and hearts will be mended. Now is the season for the thrashing to end, and for the healing to begin. Here’s to the journey. It will definitely be an interesting one! God bless!
Keisha Mitchell is theFirst Lady of Resurrection Life Christian Center in Richmond, VA where her husband, Nathan Micthell, is the senior pastor and founder. To learn more about this ministry or to invite Lady Keisha to be a part of your event, please visit www.rlcc.info.
